Dreams & Expectations Come When The Lights Go Out

July 20, 2020

I am a hopeless romantic (defined as - of, characterized by, or suggestive of an idealized view of reality). I look for the good in all people. I look for the good in all things. I cannot give up hope on humanity or this life. It's just not in me to do this. Even in my darkest of days in dealing with Andrew's death, I never gave up hope. I still have not given up hope. And no matter how dark the world around me becomes, I know there is a light. I look for the light always. You cannot scare me in the dark when I know the light.

Fear grips the hearts of each of us at times in our lives. COVID-19 has definitely brought fear; Civil unrest has brought fear; governmental action has brought fear; politics and media have brought fear. But in spite of all this fear, God shines greater in my heart. I will not stop dreaming. I will not lose hope. There is a time coming when all of this mess will rest. God will rise. "But unto you that fear my name shall the Sun of righteousness arise with healing in his wings;" (Malachi 4:2)

After struggling with grief for over 22 years, after having more birthdays without Andrew than with him, after all the grief that I have see in my husband and son's eyes, I tell you I am still dreaming of restoration. I still expect God to do miraculous things for our family. I have not given up hope not one time. There have been times I have hung by a thread, and a frayed one at that, but I have never given up hope. What Satan thought he could use to destroy me, God has used to give me courage.

The Warrior Princess has awakened. She steps back from time-to-time, but she never admits defeat. I have many training days. I have many days I have to give myself sermon-after-sermon, but I do not admit defeat in this life. God has given me His breath to breathe for a specified number of days on this earth, and I want to breathe them.

I used to be so afraid of what Satan would do to my family. Especially after Andrew's death, I feared for Ray and Gideon daily. I could not hear a siren go by without a panic. I still do not like them, and I know that as long as we are in this world, we WILL lose loved ones to death. But not only did Satan drive fear into my life; he made me mad. So, now... it's tactical warfare. I pray daily for the safety of my loved ones. I combat Satan with every ounce of strength I have. God is greater; He is larger. God is more powerful, and even though I may go through many more dark and lonely days, I know He is with me. I will not be afraid.

I use Satan's own fear tactics against him. When I feel fear gripping at my heart, I go to prayer. When I feel overwhelmed with anxiety, I go to prayer. When I feel like my life and the lives of those around me are spinning out of control or threatened, I go to prayer. I read every encouraging Bible story I can read. I look at every miracle of Jesus that the Bible recorded. I do everything in my power to regain control of my emotions and my life.

I often falter. I feel the fear creeping back in. But now I know what to look for. I keep my anointing oil handy, my prayer book close by, and my Bible within reach. I use the weapons that God has given me to combat the hateful powers of the enemy of my soul. God is in control of my life, and as long as I remember to run to Him, I know I'll be okay. At the end of the day, I ask myself, "What's the worse that Satan can do to me? Kill me? Torture me?" As Paul put it so eloquently "For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain." (Philippians 1:21)

My one request of God is for Him to save my family. I pray for their salvation daily. As long as I know their souls are secure, I can live and die in peace. I know the choice to be saved is an individual choice. But I never stop praying for those I love to receive salvation. And my one great comfort today is knowing that Andrew is truly safe, along with so many other loved ones. Many of us have yet to make the crossing into the safe zone of Heaven, but I do not have to be afraid. God is my refuge. He will protect me completely. My life is truly in His hands.

To the grieving heart today, I compel you to these actions:

1. Put your trust completely in Jesus Christ.
2. Armor up against the tormentor of your soul.
3. Keep fighting for your family and friends until your dying breath.

I often heard my boys say this as they grew: "I'm tellin' Deddy (Daddy southern style) on you." I smile now as I think about those days of sibling rivalry. Well, I tell Satan often, "If you don't get behind me, I'm calling in my Older Brother! I calling in My Daddy!" Satan may bully you. The devil may try to load your heart down with fear. But call in the family. You have so many brothers and sisters in Christ. You have Jesus Christ. You have the Holy Spirit (Ghost) of God. You have God, the Father. You have the majority on your side. Call in the calvary. Get the devil running from your life.

I love this little song that Charity Gayle wrote: "My God Fights For Me!" Here's a little bit of the last part of the song:

He's my shield, He's my sword, the victory's the Lord's
So what's your story here today?
What's the giant in your way?
Are you trapped and can't get out?
Are you staring down a lion's mouth?
Can you stand before the Lord?
Or do you need to hit the floor?
It don't matter what you've done.
The battle is already won!
Lift your voice with me and sing "My God fights for me!"
So lift your voice in victory, "My God fights for me!"

Live in victory, my friend! Let God fight for you!

Much Love to You All!

To Be Continued!